Moving Past The Trauma

Greetings, internet people! I know, I know. I haven’t posted anything in a really long while – I apologise. Life and a bit of writer’s block kinda got in the way of me and my blog, but that’s all over now. Well, at least I hope it is. I’ve convinced myself that I need to start writing again, or else…(Or else what? I don’t know how to threaten myself, you guys) 😦

*deep sigh*

ANYWAY, a few weeks ago someone tried to break into my home. They tried, and they failed.
My mother was still awake, reading, when she heard strange noises. She woke me up from my deep sleep in a panic, told me she thought someone was trying to break-in, and somehow we managed to scare him off. I think my mother’s screams did the trick. This all happened at around 2am. The would be thief didn’t leave without causing any damage though: he managed to break a window right before we caught a glimpse of him fleeing.

We’ve been living here for almost 12 years, this was the first time someone tried to break-in. I won’t lie, when my mom woke me up and told me what was happening, that was the most scared I’ve ever been in my life. It was a paralysing fear that I don’t think I’ll get over anytime soon. After seeing the burglar flee, we just sat there, in total disbelief. Because we’d lived here for so long and nothing like this had ever happened in our home, the thought of something like this actually happening never crossed our minds.

We thought we were safe in our home. It was only after this incident occurred that I realised we weren’t safe at all. We did the bare minimum to protect ourselves. We’d lock the doors and close all the windows, but that was it. That was all we did to protect ourselves. Anyway, this post isn’t about the “almost break-in” – it’s about the effects that the whole thing had on me.

I’ve been a victim of crime before. I’ve been mugged a couple of times and it was pretty traumatic each time it happened, but I got over that trauma quickly because I knew that I could go back to the safety of my home and no one could get to me there. It’s different when someone tries to break into your home. It feels like someone has invaded and violated your personal space. Your sanctuary. The place you go to, to get away from it all. It’s awful, when you feel like the safety of your home has been compromised.

One of the things that scare me the most is the thought of him coming back. I keep thinking to myself, “He failed at his first attempt – so obviously he’s going to try again sometime, right?” This whole thing has made so paranoid and I hate that. I’ve become so much more aware of my surroundings, any sound in the house will unnerve me. My sleeping patterns are all kinds of messed up now. I’ve gone from being a heavy sleeper to someone who’s woken up by the faintest sound. There have been nights where I’ve gone without any sleep because of the fear and paranoia. I hate it. I hate how someone else’s nefarious deeds can mess with my head so much.

You try hard to get over something like this, but I don’t think you truly ever do. It will always be in the back of your mind and affect the way you think about your personal security. In my attempts to get over this incident, I searched for some answers on the internet. That was both a good and bad idea.
Good because the internet provided me with a lot of advice from people who’ve had the same unfortunate experience. That gave me some kind of closure.
Bad because there’s also a lot of crap on the internet. Crap that will freak you out even more and heighten your fears.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that getting over this whole thing will take time. I’m not as panicky and paranoid now as I was during the first week after it happened. Also, getting away from the house for a few hours on school days has done me a world of good. Even if it’s only for a few hours, it means I can focus my thoughts on other things, rather than constantly thinking about how unsafe I am in my own home.

The road towards getting past this trauma looks like it will be a long and tedious one, but it’s okay. I will get over this eventually.

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