“We Love Them More When They’re Relaxed In The Grave”

The title of this blog post is a line from a song by Common called “Love Is”. It’s a lovely song. I haven’t even started with this post and I’m already digressing. *smh* Moving right along…

Death changes people. Or dealing with death changes people. Go with whichever one you want. Whatever.

A friend of mine (more acquaintance than friend really) had her father pass away recently. Her father wasn’t around to raise her, and she’d told me in conversations past that she hated her father for not being there. And for leaving her mother to raise her on her own. Basically, she wanted nothing to do with him.

So anyway, she went to the funeral (unwillingly), buried her father and I thought that was that.

I was wrong.

Fast forward a few months and there I was having a conversation with this girl. Our little conversation led to us becoming Facebook friends. I went through her profile and past status updates (stalker much? Lol) and I was a little surprised by what I saw.

Her Facebook timeline was filled with status updates dedicated to her father. But these weren’t bitter/angry status updates. On the contrary. She was lauding her father and professing her love for him. She also had pictures of her father with captions like “My Hero” and “I love you so much”. As I’m going through this girl’s timeline, I’m literally thinking to myself: WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING WHAT I’M SEEING?! A bit melodramatic, I know.

I was shocked. In a few months, this girl had gone from hating her father to calling him her hero. I didn’t understand it. I still don’t understand it. Is it easier to forgive someone when they’re dead? Does knowing that they’ll never be around again make the healing process easier? I have so many questions – and I can’t exactly just walk up to her and start asking her these weird, insensitive questions.

I guess there’s a certain peace that comes with forgiving someone? Letting go of that hatred you feel for someone must feel like a burden has been lifted off your shoulders – and it leaves you happier, right?
I get the concept of forgiveness, I do. I just don’t get how one can make the jump from completely hating someone while they were alive to declaring your undying (not a very good choice of words, is it?) love for them when they’re dead.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just her way of dealing with things.


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