I started writing this on Friday, October 31st. I don’t know why I’m telling you guys this, but yeah.
I sat next to you today. With my heart pounding, mind running and mouth patiently waiting for the words. I thought that this was it. The moment I’d been waiting for. The moment I’d played out countless times in my head. The moment where I finally told you how I feel. I was ready. I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t. I sat there, watched you in all your beauty and I couldn’t say the words. The words that I’d spent so much time reciting, perfecting. Once again, my fears got the best of me. Once again, we parted ways and I was left wondering if you felt the same way about me.
So now here I am, qwerty keyboard in one hand, the words I want to say to you in the other. I type this in the hope that one day I will muster up the courage to tell you this face-to-face. These are all the things I want to say to you. From my heart, to my mouth, to your ears. Well, in this case, from my heart, to my fingertips, to this qwerty keyboard, to your eyes. I am in love with you. I have been for a while now. I haven’t even tried to deny it. I could write pages upon pages comparing how I feel about you to a long summer’s day or some other cheesy Shakespearean analogy, but I won’t. The simple truth is that I am in love with you. I’m sure – there is no doubt in my head and no doubt in my heart. You enchant me. Not a single day goes by without me thinking about you and how great I think we would be together. I could pretend to be angry at my heart for leading me down this path, but the truth is, I wanted it to. I wanted to know what it was like to fall head over heels for someone. I wanted, with all my heart, to feel this way for you.
I look at you and I think to myself, “You are so beautiful.” You really are. Inside and out. I love your eyes. I love your lips. I love it when you laugh at my silly jokes. I love it when you smile. I love it on the rare occasions that I’m the reason that you smile. I love the cute shape of your nose. I don’t know why, but I just do. I know nothing about hair, but I know that I love yours. It bothered me the first time you tied your hair in a bun, but I’ve learned to love that too. I think you look really pretty with your hair tied in a bun, by the way. I guess what I’m trying to say is – I love your face, and I haven’t even started talking about how much I love the rest of you too.
I acted out in a bid to impress you and you called me out on it. Remember? You told me I was doing too much. Confused and scared – I thought that was it for you and I. That the dream of us being together would never come to fruition. Not for the first time in my life, I thought that I had messed everything up again. I thought that time was against us, that I needed to rush things with you. Not true. We have nothing but time. I was blinded by this silly love and over-eagerness. You weren’t even mine, but I thought I’d lost you.
Luckily, you still stuck around. I don’t why you did, but I am thankful for it. I’ve gotten a chance to get to know you. I love who you are. Your strict, no nonsense demeanour is the exact opposite of what I am. You intrigue me, I want to learn more about you, I want to get closer to you. I’m not sure if we’re friends or just acquaintances, but whatever we are, I know that I’d like us to be more than that. I want so badly to be your guy and for you to be my girl. I guess that’s the point of this all, huh? I want us to be together.
Am I a little tipsy while typing this? Yes, yes I am. Forgive me. I needed all this liquid courage so I could let you know how I feel.
I hope that one day you’ll read this. Better yet, I hope that one day I’m brave enough to tell you this. You might think I’m messing you around when I tell you what I feel for you, but I promise you that my words are honest and my feelings are genuine & sincere.
I wish I could come up with the right words to describe the depth of this beautiful feeling that I have for you. My Nubian Queen, I love you. So, so much.