I Hope

I am sitting in the dark. Alone. Thinking. It has been that kind of week. The type of week that you think I’d be used to by now because really, mine is a life filled with too many of these kinds of weeks. Where, on one day, I’ll receive the best possible news that has me thinking maybe life isn’t so bad, that things are finally looking up. Then, on the following day, I’m brought crashing back down to earth again. I have to deal with something that brings with it heartache, dejection and the all too familiar feeling of despair. Bittersweet much? The week is over now and I’m just sitting here. Thinking. I used to enjoy being alone with my thoughts. When they were happy thoughts. Thoughts of a bright future, thoughts of life inevitably improving and all my struggles being left in the past. I realise now that one only enjoys being with their thoughts when said thoughts aren’t soul crushing, life consuming and joy usurping. Mine have been exactly that lately. There is no great epiphany in this blog post. There is no funny anecdote, inspiring realisation or aha moment. This is just me writing random shit down and hoping I feel slightly better by the end of it. I’m sitting here and all I keep thinking to myself is, I hope I never lose my will to live.