It’s been quite a while since my last blog post. 401 days, to be exact. Yes, I totally took time out of writing this first paragraph to count the days.
Naturally, the first thing I did when I decided to dust off the old blog was read my last post, I HOPE.
I read that post, and it served as a wicked reminder of the dark place I was in a year ago. A dark place that, at the time, I could not even begin to imagine myself building up the strength (or courage) to leave.
I got comfortable in that dark space. It was a rough, scratchy comfortable, but I got used to it, convincing myself that this was the comfortable which was meant for me.
My God, I was so very wrong.
No one – not even I, the self-proclaimed prince of all things melancholic – should get comfortable in that space. It is so easy to lose yourself in it, and losing yourself in it often coincides with losing any kind of will to live.
And that is why I stopped blogging. Actually, I stopped writing anything personal, altogether.
I needed to fix me, quickly. Like the misguided, anti-social humanoid I am, fixing me meant shutting everyone out. Fixing me, meant drowning myself in work. Fixing me, meant doing any and everything I could get my hands on, to avoid the actual issue which had led me down the disparaging path of darkness to start off with.
Fixing me meant avoiding the issue altogether, essentially, lying to myself – and it worked. Obviously, not 100%, but it worked. I am in a much better place now. Emotionally, mentally, and any other word that ends with the –ly suffix.
I fixed me. I might be covered in duct tape, certain parts might have been inserted incorrectly, and my insurmountable flaws are there for all to see – but, I am better. And I’m blogging again.
I won’t be leaving anytime soon. Promise.