The Sadness Of The Clown

I don’t usually care much when a celebrity dies. I watch people make a big fuss about it, and I just sit there wondering why I’m supposed to care. When I found out about Robin Williams’ death, it was different. I genuinely felt sad for a while. I don’t know why, but I just did. That sadness turned to intrigue when reports of his death being a suicide began to surface.

I’m no expert on the subject of suicide (I’m no expert on any subject to be quite honest), so I’m not even going to try go into it that much. I’ve heard some people describe suicide as a selfish & cowardly act, and others describing it as an act of bravery. I don’t know, man. I really don’t. All I know is that it takes a really special set of circumstances for one to decide that the only solution to whatever problem(s) they’re dealing with is to end their life.

Robin Williams’ suicide has also brought with it discussions about depression and how most people don’t take the disorder seriously. People talk about how those who suffer from depression should just change their outlook on life and be more positive. In some cases, people are told to “just get over it”. But, it isn’t that easy. Nothing ever is. An illness/disorder that affects one’s mood is hard to understand. Especially if you’ve never suffered from it.

Those who have to live with depression everyday of their lives know that depression isn’t something that is easy to deal with. Constantly feeling sad, anxious, unhappy, empty and restless takes its toll on an individual. Depression will make doing simple, everyday tasks feel damn near impossible and, in the most severe cases, leave one feeling that life isn’t worth living.

We’ve all been sad at some point in our lives, and that sadness usually lasts a day or two then we’re over it. During those one or two days, you feel awful. You feel vulnerable. Like the world could just swallow you up and be done with you. Now imagine that feeling didn’t go away after two days. Imagine you had to face that feeling every single day for the rest of your life.

I called this post “The Sadness Of The Clown” – but really, it feels like I should replace the word ‘Sadness’ with ‘Depression’. Also, this blog post didn’t go the way I’d planned for it to go when I started typing it. It’s just hard to explain depression, man. So, so hard.

Depressing blog post aside.
RIP to Robin Williams.
“O’ Captain! My Captain!”


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